Favorite FEB Buy

OOTD part 1 & 2

Achieving curls

VONDA KAY BROWN

As I sit here and I'm consumed with my thoughts, I shed tears for the mother that I will never get to know. I will never have answers to the questions that run threw my mind. Like how could God take my mother so early? How could he leave Kat, Jacks, Junebug, and I here to fight alone? We had to deal with a father who couldn't look at us, couldn't give us answers. A father who couldn't console us and tell us that everything would be ok. And now we're left here trying to live without our "Mother". I was 7 when it happened and at the age of 25 I still have no answers. I still hurt, I still cry because my heart is still in pain.
                                                  HERE IS A LETTER TO MY MOM

DEAR MOM,
 I will never understand the pain you must have endured to turn to drugs, But I want you to know that I forgive you. I know that as you look over us you must regret everything that happened. But I have to face the fact that God has a plan for all of us. You were so very young, and you had your whole life to live. Your sudden death has left me scared and scarred.. I am afraid of being in the house alone. I am scared that my life will end as yours did. And for that reason I am afraid to live. I still can't stop thinking about all the memories I had of you.  I have so many things to tell you, and as I close my eyes every night I know that you are with me. I can only imagine how it was for you to be a mother of 4 and not really have anyone to turn to. To have a husband that you adored but could turn into a monster. I know it must of been really hard for you to go on day to day when you were isolated from your family. Kat and I talk about you often, Junebug is into music, and Jackie is starting college soon. I still have memories of you allowing me to play in your hair, and because of it I ended up going to high school for cosmetology. I hope that you are proud of all of us. Because although we don't speak of it, I know we all aim to make you happy. I still remember you dancing in the kitchen while you prepared dinner. Kat tells me that you were her best friend, and It saddens me that I will never get to speak those words. Although I only have a few memories I feel hurt that Jackie has none. She was only a baby and I can only imagine how she feels. She can only imagine what it's like to have a mother, and that makes me cry everyday. As sisters we have our differences but we will be ok... I can only pray that when God lays me down to rest, that I can finally get that HUG that my heart so desperately needs. 
You are in my heart THEN, NOW AND FOREVER.........
And my promise to you is that I will never allow anything to get in the way of  me being in my brother, and sisters lives.  LOVE ALWAYS YOUR FEE-FEE

VONDA KAY BROWN

AUG 12TH 1966-FEB 21ST 1995

                                                       

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