Brittany Alissa B

Hey Beauties,
                    So after a few years of having this and many other sites, I felt that it was finally necessary to speak solely about myself (for at least one post anyway). So here goes.
I have always considered myself to be this hopeless romantic, down to earth, fun loving, free spirit.  My childhood wasn't easy and I lived a relatively hard life, but I've always saw light at the end of the tunnel. And my glass has always been half empty..
Now with that being said I must admit that when you continuously get kicked to the ground you start to wonder if your truly meant to stay there.. At 26 years old I have seen and been through some things that people would never imagine, but from the outside looking in, how could you?
Because of my childhood I developed what some would call a "DADDY COMPLEX". For those of you who don't know what this is I will sum it up in a nutshell. A daddy complex is when a female who's father was rarely around seeks men to feel the void his absence left. (Usually men much older than herself.)
This "complex" has caused me to deal and put up with things that a normal person would never, just because I yearn so deeply for love.
I have this idea that LOVE, True Love exist and I just want a taste of what it really feels like. And this is where my "Hopeless Romantic" theory comes in to play.
I tend to date men I shouldn't, and when I say shouldn't I mean the commitment phobe, the pot head, the womanizer, the abuser, and the cheats........
What initially happens is that I go into each situation with 100% optimism and then when things go wrong I'm left broken hearted, but the reality of it has always been that I knew deep down in my heart that those situations were never going to work.
I've always felt that if I gave massages, cooked dinner, lite candles, played slow jams and was 100% honest that one of those men would take notice and eventually show appreciation for it.. For ME..
BOY WAS I WRONG!
But even then It wasn't until last night that the light at the end of the tunnel became really dim to me. Don't get me wrong; I still believe love exist, I'm just not so sure that I will find it.
Each time I feel as though I'm getting close, something happens that brings me back down to reality. And to say that I'm over it would be an understatement.. I've always thought that men wanted independent woman, who cooked, cleaned, and thought the world of them. But its clear that I'm a little off.. And I know I'm definitely not high maintenance because I care more about the simple things than I do the big ones. I would prefer respect than gifts. Laughter than arguments, cooking meals together indoors than going out to eat, family time over bar time and honesty over a lie. But even with all of that I haven't had that one man who has proven to me that Love is worth searching or fighting for. I envision myself marrying my best friend. A man who has just the right amount of sarcasm, a great sense of humor, very level headed, a great communicator and someone who cares just as much about family as I do.. Maybe that just doesn't exist anymore.

Here is a list of 10 things a man can do make/keep me happy

1. Respect me- I don't like the word Bitch, and I don't feel a man should call his woman or any woman out her name.
2. Be honest- If I do or say something that is a little left, let me know so I can work on it & tell me the truth even when your sparing my feelings. I can deal with the truth much easier than a lie. (Once the trust is gone so am I.)
3. Flowers- I LOVE flowers, like love them.....
4. Allow me to be me- I know that I have flaws, but we all do!
5. Romance- The most romantic thing to me is someone who will run a bath or give me a massage.
6. Quality time- Now this is here because people don't seem to know the difference between time and quality time. Having one on one time just relaxing at home or away allows both people to grow closer to each other.
7. Rules- Please Please don't come to me with a journal or mind full of crap that you have to live by. Every person is different therefore every situation is different. So those rules may not work with everyone you get with!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Affection- I need this. I just love the whole touchy feely stuff.
9. Attention- This one isn't that big of a deal but is sometimes necessary. If we are together show me you care, its just that simple.
10. Be a MAN- I shouldn't have to tell you, show you or direct you how to treat me. It should come naturally. If I'm good to you just feed off of that and give it back.

I don't know if I'm ever going to find my "Happily ever after" but I still hold on to a tiny piece of hope. Because I refuse to believe that I can't have it ALL.

 XOXO BrittanyAlissaB.

What Is DATING???

Hey Beauties,
                   So let me 1st start off by saying that I hope everyone is having an amazing summer.
Now with that being said I want to jump into today's topic.
                                                                         "DATING"
The other day I was with a group of friends and the conversation of dating and relationships kept coming up. As you can imagine this topic is so "Normal" that everyone seems to be having it on a day to day basis. But what got me to writing about it; is the specific question that kept being asked.     "WHAT IS DATING"?
So it seems that just because we all talk about it, doesn't mean we know or understand exactly what it means so here is a look at it from my point of view...
Dating 1on1... ( I actually like the sound of that ).. HMMMM... LOL but back to regular scheduled programming.
Dating to me is the space between full on commitment and friendship.
To date doesn't mean to sleep with or get attached, but simply two people going out enjoying each others company.
The problem that a lot of people seem to be having is that they don't DATE 1st, instead they jump into these serious relationships and wonder why after a few months it all goes down hill.
IE: I don't consider going to someones house for a day; a date. A date to me is both parties agreeing on a destination (BEFORE HAND), scheduling it, and going through with it.
Whether you guys meet at the destination or he/she picks you up doesn't really mater, all that matters is that the date is happening which allows each of you to get to know the other that much better..
Here is a list of 3 good dates and 3 horrible dates

Good 
1. A restaurant- The reason why this is a good date is because although at times it may be a bit noisy, it allows both parties to make eye contact which makes conversing that much easier.

2. Bowling- This shows how competitive your future partner can be and it also shows whether or not the person has a great sense of humor.

3. Ice cream in the park- Communication is key to any successful relationship/friendship, and what better place to talk 1on1 than at a park?

Bad
1. The Movies- How can you talk with a person you just met at the movies? For 2-3 hours your sitting in complete silence which means your no closer to knowing this person than before you met. (What a waste)

2. A CLUB- Umm like seriously.. Have you ever tried to hold a conversation over loud music? Well I have and I was hoarse the next day. Theres just something about screaming at each other all night that just isn't all that great.

3. A Strip Club- Sooooo .....Ummmmmm........ Wellll.......
Would you be comfortable with your date talking you to a place that nudity is front and center?

NOW although those good and bad date ideas are on these list does not mean that once you have been dating over a course of time that they can't become good options. (It truly depends on the people, chemistry and situation.)
And trust me I have done most of the do's and don'ts, but the art of it all is learning from each and every situation...........................................
Once you feel comfortable enough and have spent some time together the conversation of whether to start a relationship or to be friends should be brought up. Especially if a relationship was the goal from the gate. There is nothing worse than wanting someone exclusively and not know where you stand!!

So to sum all of this stuff up
Dating: Is getting to know someone before putting a title such as boyfriend or girlfriend on the situation.
It allows you to be open, and upfront about things most people won't. It also allows both parties the option of walking away before the whole relationship thing starts, therefore preventing hearts from getting broken and feelings from getting hurt.
                                       Questions from my actual talk with friends
1. How long should you date before starting a relationship? It is up to the individuals but for me I know after 3 dates if I want a person exclusively.
2. Can you have sex during this time? Again it depends on the people. But sex builds more emotion and if it doesn't turn into a committed relationship, someone can end up getting emotionally hurt. (So Be Careful!)
3. Can you date more than one person at a time? Honestly I don't do this, but again some people do.
4. What happens if you catch feeling while still in the dating phase? Feelings happen, and if it does then that's more of a reason to start a relationship.

I hope you all found this helpful. Leave your comments below giving me your point of views.

XOXO BrittanyAlissa

SINGLE IN NEW YORK

Hey Beauties,
         I will be uploading a more detailed video about this post but for now I will put it in words.
So a few post ago I stated that I was going through a lot and that I would touch base on it at a later date, well here is that later date.
Sooooooo For those of you who don't know, I am a New Yorker. Although my parents are both from other places, I was born and raised here. And although I have a love hate relationship with this beautiful city, I have pure HATRED for the dating scene.
I work hard to provide for my children, and working hard = playing less. Therefore my dating life sucked. So little ole me signed up on this little site called Plenty Of Fish or (POF). It was a free site where men can hound women and the women can "sell things" O_o
It truly wasn't the place for someone like me. Someone genuinely looking for love.
After about a year I did happen to meet someone. We started off speaking on the phone for 3 months straight, then graduated to spending loads of time together. Optimistically after about 8 months I ended up convincing myself that he was "The One" we had so much in common and I fell in love with his family and I guess being around someone so much you eventually catch feelings more rapidly than usual!  Welp Long story short (the hounding for women never stopped for him) and I was left heart broken.  After encountering my share of morons I eventually decided to be delete my profile in its entirety. I then took some time for healing and recollection. And I remember sitting at home one day watching television and these damn commercials kept coming on......
Well needless to say that after PLENTY and PLENTY OF "COMMERCIALS" I decided to join Eharmony.
Welp for those of you who have no knowledge of the site I will say this,
you are put through an extensive amount of questioning. Like eeexxxxttteeenssiivveeeee!!!!!
When you are asked so much about your life, your likes, and dislikes you become very...... Whats the words I'm looking for? The word is HOPEFUL. You become hopeful that maybe, just maybe true love is out there.  And before I go any further I will say this
I AM AN EXTREME HOPELESS ROMANTIC. I LOVE; LOVE, THE IDEA OF LOVE, AND THE FEELING OF ACTUALLY BEING IN LOVE!!.
Now back to regular scheduled programming.. :-)
I met someone my 2nd day on the site. And when I say met I mean conversed via "site" then graduated to phone calls/ texting.
It took 3 months to meet in person and I thought he was a rad dude..
We spoke about him opening doors, having respect for women, and overall just being this RAD guy...
...................... It took 6 months for me to see that NONE of that crap was the truth.
He was overly demanding, insecure, and a complete Asshole..I wasn't allowed to dress, walk or talk like myself I had to change everything while he told me that he needed to change absolutely nothing. But I stayed stupid me.. and eventually I got a nice ring.. A ring that he kept from his family and meant nothing because he stated that he wasn't even ready for marriage.. Again Asshole.. I left after we hit the 10 month mark.  Best thing I could of done for my sanity!! Thank you Jesus!! :-)
I took some time off And then started dating again.
and again
and again
and again...................................................................
I don't ask for much. I ask for open communication, honesty, respect and some more respect. But it seems that The Big Apple is full of people who have no idea, what they want.
Men and woman who would rather Have Sex than to open their hearts to the possibility of love.
Men who state they want relationships but wouldn't know one if it were staring them in the face.
I'm SOOOOOOOOO old school. I just want that "SILLY LOVE". The one where you know you'll get a Good Morning call, The one where holding hands in Central park is better than going to a bar for drinks, The one where I fall asleep at night and he's on my mind and I know I'm on his. The one where we make dinner together at home and watch Netflix. The one that isn't based upon finances but LOVE and pure RESPECT for one another. I never thought that I would ever give up on the possibility that I would find just what I'm looking for. But I have gone from 100 % - about 30%. And its unfortunate that SEX runs this CITY of dreams. And love has become so far fetched that everyone is just existing.. This journey Is exhausting! And I refuse to settle for anything other than what I deserve!!
If the guy I'm seeing has all these damn rules about
When to and when not to call
How long before feelings should be revealed
How long will I stick around before she puts out
My friends have to like her
She has to like sports
and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! then I will cross him out my life like a bad habit.
Relationships aren't built for rules. It should flow naturally. It should feel natural and a list is just so so so YUCK!
Get to know me for me. Make your decisions based on my heart, the time we spend together, and how I treat you, not on a "DAMN LIST".
I guess that's why I'm single because I just can't deal with the whole unnatural feel of this new dating system.. So Now I ask
How do
you fellow New Yorker cope with dating?
And how is dating elsewhere?

                                                                                                                               XOXO BrittanyAlissa

My Bulimia Update

Hey Beauties,
                    So it's time for an update about whats been going on in my life.
I made a recent video about bulimia and how it played a role in my life. And some of you have asked me for an update on that, so here goes. YES I am still suffering with it. Because of it I have lost a total of 20lbs in a little over a month, I went from 184 -164 which is my current weight now. My jean size was a 12/13 and now I am a size 8.
Even though these numbers look great to me, I am still obsessed with losing more and everyday is a constant battle to try and do it the right way... To be 100% honest with all of you, it gives me anxiety to regurgitate my food because I know that it is truly unhealthy and I'm afraid that I will die if it continues. I've been trying to incorporate as much food as I can, and simple talking to myself about how I need to keep it down. And when I do eat a little I tell myself its ok and then just run with my dog in my area.. AGAIN its a battle...
For those of you who didn't know, I was engaged to be married to the man I thought was truly going to be my husband. When the relationship started falling a part and then deteriorated I started becoming obsessed with looking my best and proving to myself that I deserved to be happy. (SILLY I KNOW) but being with someone for so long and giving your whole heart to them, only to then realize they aren't who you thought they were really takes a toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally. I won't talk about the other things that transpired within that relationship. But I will say this (when you already have an illness such as bulimia, it never really goes away, you just simply learn to cope and you become really good at hiding it. But it only takes a Word, a Phrase, or a Sentence to bring it right back). And unfortunately it came back within that particular relationship. NO I am not blaming anyone for this. I am an adult and I am in charge of my own life. But when you are unhappy you tend to find other ways to bring that happiness back and losing weight was that for me. AHHHHHH
Being this honest hurts to the core, and brings tears to my eyes. Putting this out there for the world  allows criticism and ignorance.. But I will always be as honest as possible in hopes that I can help someone else..........
*I am currently getting the help I need to overcome this. I will not allow this to be the death of me and I will not make excuses for it. Hopefully in the next few months I will be back to myself again. But for now I will continue to update you all at least once a month.* I really hope this can help someone out there seek the help they need. Thanks for reading.
                                                                                                 

XOXO BrittanyAlissa

My Favorite Park

Hey Beauties,
                     Let me 1st start off by saying that I hope you all had a wonderful and safe 4th of July.
There is just so much to update you on but i'll save that for a later date and time. So jumping into things...... Every year around the summer time I go to central park to relax, enjoy the view and also to take some pictures. My original plan was to go there on the 4th, but being that the weather was such a mess I just decided to go to the Marriot and lounge out by the pool instead....
Well yesterday I woke up in a rut and all I wanted to do was stay in bed with some ice cream and life time, but instead of feeling down I got myself together and took my butt to my favorite park. I have always enjoyed taking pictures by the Garden and running on the grass that ( People aren't allowed on). So I made it my duty to do just that.. LOL... But all in all it was a fun simple relaxing day. So tell me, How did you guys spend your weekend?

For More pictures and to find out what I'm wearing, be sure to check out my fashion blog at 

www.allaboutbeauty1on1fashion.com