It's been a while and I'm not gonna go on the normal apology streak, instead i'm going to jump right into it.
I was inspired to write this post from an old friend.
It was one of those really needed conversations that allowed me to put things into perspective.
I feel as adults we all need the occasional heart to heart.
I've never looked at myself as predictable, I guess I've always been pastionate about what I wanted but never took the same approach to get there and that makes me quite unpredictable.
But the problem I had was that my risk taking behavior has never quite worked in my favor, but does that mean I should stop being who I am?
Granted jumping in relationships with some of the men I chose may have been mistake after mistake but they were all my mistakes to make. I will not apologize for seeing good in people and ultimately wanting to have my "happily ever after". After all even Cinderella had to mop floors and Sleeping beauty had to prick her finger on a needle to find true love. So how could I think that it would come easy for me?
I've always wanted family and the family life and no matter what transpired in my "situationships" I stayed true to my goal. Marriage, children and the life where I could be betty crocker and my husband would be the guy who lit my candles and ran my bubble baths.
I'm no idiot, and I know that maybe instead of walking through a dark room I should perhaps turn on the lights but at least I can say that I did, I do and will do what others are so afraid to.
What is life without taking chances?
What is love with out heartbreak?
And what is falling down if you can't get back up?
For 5 years I put in my mind that I would marry the man who deserved me and I would give him a child, so during that time I kissed toooooooo many frogs and battled infertility which was only God's way of preventing me from making a horrible mistake with the wrong person.
Looking back on it now I know it was all for the best. But while I was in it I wanted each and every one of those relationships to work. Even the ones that I knew wholeheartedly were just horrible. But its amazing what we'll allow ourselves to tolerate.
To me Predictability is boring and I genuinely hate boring. I don't want to make the same meals, wear the same clothes, have the same knowledge I had yesterday, or make love the same way for to long. I guess thats why I've always had the issues I've had. I want to wear my hair differently, I want to be silly today and a business women the next, quiet today and loud later on but the question is does that make me wrong? NO!
It may not make me wrong but it has gotten me into a
I've dated wealthy,
and have truthfully had everything any girl/ woman could possibly want. But if those men I dated didn't fit neatly into my box of requirements then I had to explore my options. Sometimes it was even me who didn't fit into theres. So with blooded knees I got myself back up and continued on my journey.
I had my mind set and knew that FAMILY was the head of any thing else and getting there wasn't an option, it was all a matter of when and with who. After all was said and done I decided to marry the boy next door, the guy who needs to be pushed a little harder and told things a little more than the average. I've had relationships that have ranged anywhere from 2 months to 6 years and yet people can't understand how I married the man I did. To me it wasn't about the amount of time, instead it was about the feelings I got when we kissed, the feelings I got when he wasn't in my presence, the feeling of going to bed for the rest of my life without having him right in arms reach. And to me, to BRITTANY that was enough to say I do. It was enough to take a gamble one last time to reach my goal of "Happily ever after".
Smart? LOL
Maybe not to you but to me and my unpredictability I would have to say that it was the choice that only a crazy hopeless romantic could make.
If my marriage fails or last forever I'll live without regret. I followed my heart and took a chance and to those who know me, know that for the rest of my time here on this earth I'll always have this risk taking Loving soul. No apologies!
