My Bulimia Update

Hey Beauties,
                    So it's time for an update about whats been going on in my life.
I made a recent video about bulimia and how it played a role in my life. And some of you have asked me for an update on that, so here goes. YES I am still suffering with it. Because of it I have lost a total of 20lbs in a little over a month, I went from 184 -164 which is my current weight now. My jean size was a 12/13 and now I am a size 8.
Even though these numbers look great to me, I am still obsessed with losing more and everyday is a constant battle to try and do it the right way... To be 100% honest with all of you, it gives me anxiety to regurgitate my food because I know that it is truly unhealthy and I'm afraid that I will die if it continues. I've been trying to incorporate as much food as I can, and simple talking to myself about how I need to keep it down. And when I do eat a little I tell myself its ok and then just run with my dog in my area.. AGAIN its a battle...
For those of you who didn't know, I was engaged to be married to the man I thought was truly going to be my husband. When the relationship started falling a part and then deteriorated I started becoming obsessed with looking my best and proving to myself that I deserved to be happy. (SILLY I KNOW) but being with someone for so long and giving your whole heart to them, only to then realize they aren't who you thought they were really takes a toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally. I won't talk about the other things that transpired within that relationship. But I will say this (when you already have an illness such as bulimia, it never really goes away, you just simply learn to cope and you become really good at hiding it. But it only takes a Word, a Phrase, or a Sentence to bring it right back). And unfortunately it came back within that particular relationship. NO I am not blaming anyone for this. I am an adult and I am in charge of my own life. But when you are unhappy you tend to find other ways to bring that happiness back and losing weight was that for me. AHHHHHH
Being this honest hurts to the core, and brings tears to my eyes. Putting this out there for the world  allows criticism and ignorance.. But I will always be as honest as possible in hopes that I can help someone else..........
*I am currently getting the help I need to overcome this. I will not allow this to be the death of me and I will not make excuses for it. Hopefully in the next few months I will be back to myself again. But for now I will continue to update you all at least once a month.* I really hope this can help someone out there seek the help they need. Thanks for reading.
                                                                                                 

XOXO BrittanyAlissa